Thursday, May 8, 2008

Bermuda Triangle in my Brain

My friend Eileen had her third baby a few months ago. I am having fun watching her deal with three.

When she drops the oldest off at preschool, she takes the infant seat out of the minivan and snaps it into the Snap 'N Go stroller, as the two older boys jump out of the car and head toward the classroom. At the classroom door, the baby lying in the stroller waits outside because there isn't really enough room to roll it inside. (I sneak over and give the baby some goofy grinny faces so he'll smile at me!) Boy Number Two wants to stay and play in Big Brother's classroom so Eileen has to coax him out of there. And they're off! Back to the car to rush to Boy Number Two's music class or Parent Ed class or Target.

At Parent Ed class, I get to see more of the Third Baby show. Eileen switches the baby between the stroller and the sling. Walking around with an 18-pound baby strapped to her body, she helps Boy Number Two with the swings, the slide, the toy cars, the Birdseed Table, the tricycles, the craft of the day... At Song Time, she tries to surreptitiously nurse the baby while Boy Number Two sits next to her. On the days when BN2 wants the lap spot, she shifts the baby over to one arm and holds them both close. During Snack Time, she makes sure the baby has nursed enough or burps him or bounces him to sleep, while friends like me make sure BN2 gets the snack refills he needs.

I watch and enjoy helping out, and I think to myself, "did I do this too?"

Because I am surprised to say that I DON'T REMEMBER IT.

It's like there is a huge chunk of time missing from my brain.

How did I drop off Big Girl with a barely-2-year-old and a baby? Did I use my Snap N Go? Did I just carry him? When did he nurse? OH! I remember, I nursed him in the minivan in the preschool parking lot, right after drop-off, since there was no time in the rush of the morning getting the other two out the door.

How did I carry him during Middle Girl's Parent Ed class? Did I carry him in the sling or the Bjorn? Did Middle Girl understand when I needed to tend to the baby? Did she sit next to me during Song Time or fight to fit into my lap?

Was I actually there?

I guess I was, because I found this picture:

That looks like something I would remember, doesn't it?

Ugh, it saddens me.... because they are little for so short a time and my brain has lost some of it! I want to be able to close my eyes and transport myself back to those days... relive it a little bit... But when I try, there's nothing there!

I can do that for the first baby, and the second baby, but not for number three. And I love The Boy with every beat of my heart. He makes me melt with happiness.

What up, brain?! C'mon, help a girl out!

I was calmer with this baby than with the other two, that much I know. I rolled with the punches and gave myself permission to take more naps. I was more relaxed about this, knowing everything would work out. And he was a happy, calm baby, so that helped. The days passed by smoothly. And then I forgot.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I remember almost nothing of the first year of my older daughter's life. Ditto the first year of my second daughter's life. I could lament this, but I'm just so happy that I survived that I'm not going to fuss over a bit of amnesia.