numb

Today was Middle Girl's last day of preschool for this school year. She will be moving on to Kindergarten in the fall.

The other moms and the teachers had red, teary eyes today. Some were wearing their sunglasses inside to try to hide their crying.

I feel nothing. Granted, it's not my first child, and it's not my last child (The Boy will be at this school for the next two years), but I don't cry much. I didn't cry when my first child finished preschool, or on her first day of Kindergarten, or on her first Communion. There's a lot of pride, and there's a lot of disbelief that we've reached this milestone already, but the tears don't come.

However, I realized today that I have been in a terrible mood all week. I've been grumbling at everyone; The Hubby told me on Tuesday evening that he preferred to not talk to me; the muscles in my face feel too fatigued to smile; the muscles in my eyes feel too fatigued to light up; there's a big, heavy rock sitting inside my skull weighing me down.

Maybe this is how my feelings about Middle Girl being done with preschool are manifesting themselves. I really wish I could just cry - maybe if I was someone whose feelings came out I wouldn't feel so miserably numb right now.

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Middle Girl, I love you! I'm so proud of how you have grown during preschool and how ready you are to go on to Kindergarten. I think you will enjoy school, just like your sister does! It's fun to have a desk, and new teachers, and new friends to play with on the playground. I know you are excited to be at the same school as Big Girl and maybe see her there from time to time.

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Middle Girl has had a great pair of teachers this year in preschool. They gave each child a gift of a book today; each child's book challenges that child's reading level. Most children are getting familiar with letters and sounds, and were given early reader books to start to recognize words. Middle Girl and two other children are already reading, so they were given a short chapter book to stretch their abilities. Since this preschool is play-based and does not teach reading, I am impressed with how well the teachers know their students. When Big Girl was in preschool, she was reading too, but her teachers had NO idea. In fact, one of them recommended that Big Girl do another year of preschool. Another year of "A is for apple?" I don't think so.

Thank you, Middle Girl's teachers, for taking these children's academic and social growth so seriously. You really care about your students, and it shows!